The path to enLIGHTENment is paved with protein shakes

There are a LOT of hoops to jump through before you can have WLS, whether you're self-pay or you have insurance. You have to pass a psychological exam, go to a nutritionist, and have a lot of medical testing done to be sure you're physically able to have the surgery in the first place. This stuff takes FOREVER, so if you're considering WLS, and have a "goal date" like I did (I wanted to have the surgery over and done with during the summer so I wouldn't have to take off work after school started,) you need to get started early. I was lucky - I went to the first support group meeting the end of April and had my surgery August 3 - roughly 3.5 months from first meeting to recovery room. This was possible, in part, because I'd already had several of the required tests done (because of the aforementioned munchkin-borne viral infections), and also because I pushed forward like a steamroller. The only reason for this is the time constraint of being a teacher with only the summer off.....if you don't have a situation like that, you prolly wouldn't need or want to push so hard. Anyway, I'm told it usually takes 4 - 6 months or more to get all the testing, paperwork, doctors' appointments and approvals done, so like I said, I was lucky. I am now 7 days post-op.

Having any kind of WLS requires a LIFESTYLE CHANGE, not just a change of eating habits. What does that mean? It means I gotta get up off my behind and exercise (woo hoo!), and quit snacking myself to death at night. It means I gotta join the gym. (Oy!)

I hate exercise - I'm pretty sure it was invented by the Nazis as a method of torture somewhat akin to waterboarding. I hate being hot, and I really hate being sweaty. I don't play sports of any kind, and the last time I tried to take an aerobics class I was a freshman in college (1994). I had to drop the course after one class, because my back cramped up so badly the instructor made me leave! Therefore, the only exercise I'm even REMOTELY interested in, is water aerobics. There is only one gym on my side of Greensboro that has a pool, and that is The Rush, so I joined the end of June and started going to classes. Also, in preparation for surgery, Dr. Newman told me to start whatever diet had been "successful" for me in the past, so I started South Beach on June 26 and lost 6lbs before it was time to start the pre-surgery modified fast, two weeks before surgery.

The pre-surgery diet wasn't as horrible as I'd thought it would be, but I was dreading it big time, because of the protein "shakes" that were a large part of the diet (3x/day!). I have a hair-trigger gag reflex, and I hate artificial sweeteners. Every readily available (as in, buy it at WalMart or the grocery store), ready to drink protein supplement is chocolate, vanilla or strawberry flavored.

RANT MODE ON: What's THAT about? Hello? Some people who are fat actually are not that big on sweets! Give me the choice of (almost) any dessert and McDonald's fries, I'm choosin' the fries EVERY time. So why aren't there more savory flavored protein supplements? And good LORD the aftertaste of the protein stuff, both liquid and "bars" - I'm not on this path so I can eat/drink a bunch of nasty food and chemicals!

It took a bribe from my sweetie to get me to even TRY an Atkins Advantage shake ("Just taste it. Stick your tounge in it, and I'll give you $20."), and I can say with confidence that even though compared to most protein supplements, the protein count is low (15g per serving), the taste is WAY better - just like drinking chocolate milk. They are available at any grocery store, but WalMart has better prices.

Anyway, I'm getting ahead... Following my first meeting with the nutritionist after getting approved for surgery, we went to the Vitamin Shoppe to hunt for vitamins and protein supplements that I wouldn't puke over. Walked in the door and the sales person is this SERIOUS muscle guy, looked like contestant on the WWE or something. He was really nice though, and I told him what I was up to. He recommended protein shots and some other things to try.

Lemme just say this: DO NOT TRY THE PROTEIN SHOTS. Step AWAY from the protein shots. We got the ones with (only) 42g protein per test-tube-looking-container. They are NASTY AS HELL. They are very viscous and overly sweetened, and even after diluting with water, I don't know how anybody can drink those things. How do these companies stay in business?

Other things to avoid like the plague:

"Oh Yeah!" brand liquid protein supplement, chocolate milk flavor. Tastes great going down, but the aftertaste is like you tried to swallow a chunk of a Dow chemical plant.

Isopure, any flavor - these are really odd flavors, and they taste ok on the front end, but the protein in them, or something in them, leaves your mouth chapped dry - it's VERY weird, even diluted with Crystal Light.

Pretty much anything with the word "power" in the title. Yech.

Here's a list of some of the good things I've found in the protein supplement department:

"Oh Yeah!" brand BARS. They have two kinds; you want the ones that look like a candy bar, with nuts and caramel covered in chocolate. I could give you that thing and not tell you what it was, and you'd NEVER know you were eating a protein supplement. Seriously. You can trust me; food is too serious to lie about, and protein supplements are too expensive to waste time on ones that are gross, so pay attention.

Atkins Advantage Shakes - Chocolate or vanilla. Have not tried the other flavors. The chocolate is like chocolate milk, and the vanilla is like the milk left over in the bottom of your cereal bowl. Put 'em in the freezer a few minutes and as Rachael Ray says, YUM-O!!! These are available at the grocery store or Walmart has them for $1.00 less in my area.

Bari-Wise soups (available at Bariatric Choice). I have tried the beef bouillon, chicken with pasta, and cream of broccoli; they're all excellent, and you can't tell they're protein supplements.

Unjury protein supplement powders, in chocolate, chicken soup, and plain (http://www.unjury.com). Here's the thing: Unjury uses what they call "medical quality" protein. I don't know what that means, but what they do is, they use whey protein, which is derived from milk, and then they put in a spot of soy stuff to mask the protein aftertaste. I don't know why or how it works, but it does.

The Unjury chocolate can be eaten hot* or cold, but is reallllly good, and the plain can be added to anything else (i.e. other soups, V8 juice, applesauce, yogurt, etc.) and escape detection. The Unjury chicken soup is excellent, BUT you don't want it if you are watching sodium intake, because each scoop of powder (1 serving, 20g protein) contains a whopping 780mg of sodium. The Bari-Wise brand is just as good and only 180mg sodium.


*"hot", in the case of protein supplements, is relative. If you exceed 130 degrees Farenheit, you run the risk that the protein will separate from the liquid in a globby mess that you can't fix, so use a thermometer when making protein supplement soups and keep it down to 129 degrees. ;)